Alter-Frost-Storm

My past unknowingly loves to make me miserable. I feel like i'm living my life in an alternate dimension, where everything i see reminds of people I've never met, places I've never been to and remember songs I've never heard. I know names with no faces, and beings with no name. This existence that i find myself as, what am i? Different Names come to mind when i am asked what My name is. I am NAOMI, I am IRINA, I am LAILA ,I am ZELENE.

My name is Frost. The true Name and only name i can tell others. I walk around observing the world in which i find myself Wishing and hoping to wake in the place i call home. Far away from this place, Crowded streets, polluted air, Disgusting contaminated water, So much corruption and mindless idiocy.

How do i live like this? What reason do i have for existing? What is the meaning behind my being? To live with this past? To change the future that barrels toward us ever so fast approaching? Why should I? Why should WE? Everyone here watches and knows it in their being that we are nearing the end of it all yet they run toward death, destruction and extinction with open arms.

 Making discovery after discovery, finding truth in the most unlikeliest of places. What i am and my past. The others in my  head, tell me of what they have seen and none of it correlates with what I can see but have never seen. Could this be the past that can not be remembered? I am A single being with too many aspects. I am multiple, I am Therian, I am too much. Can this body possibly hold so much? Is all this in my mind? Are all these people, names and faces just a false memory that will eventually become like the rest? Have i fallen to an alternate dimension ,could i possibly still be falling? What of the people I have met? Of the people I will meet? Is this truly my reality? Could I possibly be dreaming? Could this all be just a made up world inside my mind? Am I truly alive at this moment, Seeing all this, Feeling all this?

Second after second, Minute after minute, hours passing by, days blurring into weeks, and months into years...… But none of it....


None of it feels truly real.


Maybe that's how it is for people, Beings, like me. But how can I know? I'm not omnipotent, Not a god, or deity. I can't see into others minds or know it all.
What if they are fake and I am nothing but an experiment? What if I am nothing but a doll some other deity made up into a world of dolls? Can I truly say that what I am experiencing is true? That all the pain, hate, sadness, heartbreak, Happiness, love , wonder, and Joy is nothing more that an illusion in some other beings game?


Its too confusing. I want to give up.....

But sometimes they tell me....

"What if its not an illusion? What if what you are experiencing is real? What if all that you see ALL OF IT is true? What then?"


I can never answer. Because even that feels like fakeness. Like just another test ,another fleeting thought. Never my own thoughts, never their thoughts.  Ever growing confusion, ever growing frustration, maybe its my fault. Maybe its their fault, Or maybe no one is to blame.

Either way I feel lost. Meaningless. Desolate. Like things that I care for can suddenly mean nothing. Like I am transparent, and nothing is real.

But then again we must all feel like that at some point...  

I love being a multiple, It means I don't have to face the shit in my life all by myself. It means that when i can't handle it anymore i can switch with one of the others and go into the deeper area of my mind and try to keep it together. Thank goodness for small miracles. I also love being a multiple for the reason that when i don't have anyone to talk to i can talk to them. I can talk with Naomi and Irina and they can keep me sane. Or rather one of them will. When i want to be active i can co-front with Laila and we can have fun together. When i want to relax I can be Zelene he's very, very "Chill", We can lay around and be completely relaxed and not have to deal with anything. I love talking with them when i'm around other people, mostly so that i don't have to hear anything they say, i can ignore every one. I love my alters so much. Almost as much as i love.... My pets. Pewds, the kittens and the cats.(Pewds is my hamster) Being a multiple is so much easier than being alone in my mind. At this point i don't think i could live as being a single person. They are so helpful and mostly kind to me. I only listen to them now a days. My mom asked for something and i fully intended on not doing it, because honestly i'm pissed at her, so angry and i fully intended on cussing her out, had Naomi not claimed my voice and kept me from saying anything. Irina told me to do what my mom asked and as annoyed as I was i did it. I guess you can say that i'll do anything they tell me to. I suppose that's not bad, they would never tell me to do anything bad, hell i'm starting to think about just letting stay in control and just watch. But they would never let me do that. All in all this is me writing about how much I LOVE my alternate personalities. LOVE THEM. I'll try to upload more often now that We are all in the same mind space, Oh yeah we also made an arrangement for who takes over when unless its an emergency. I love my alters. 

I'm a little depressed. You guys and most of my followers probably noticed that i haven't updated. I just can't work up enough motivation to write anything despite having already planned out a lot of my stories. It's not alot to do with motivation its just that between my deppression and constant personality switches i can't seem to be myself long enough to enjoy life or to write. I'm sorry that you guys are probably going to read this and be disappointed or whathever and i hate to take up a bit of your time but i think its not right of me to not explain why i haven't updated anything. No, I'm not on the verge of commiting suicide despite the fact that the thought has crossed my mind several times. I just want to kind of explain my absence. And well writting seems to calm me down. So here i am writting this. I might not upload this. Since i can feel my grip already starting to slip. However this might be posted by whoever is starting the process of the switch. So i figure i might as well say something. I'm deppressed mostly because of all the shi- stuff that happens to me on my day to day basis. Like complete and utter loneliness. God i can feel myself ready to cry again. Like major break down. I can't say much and i think i write so that i can talk, since in real life i can't talk. I mean i can speak just fine i just....  Can't say anything worthwhile. Even when i finally get to be with my friends, they don't want to hear some sob story they want to have a good time not hear me talk deppression. Sometimes when i can't take it anymore i go outside and i sit on the single step outside my house and i break down. I cry until. I've cried all my tears out. Sometimes i have the urge to wail my agony. Sometimes i shake and shutter with emotion, i throw my head back and take a deep breath, a single second passes and i clench my teeth unable to let the scream out. This is what i just did. In the middle of writting this with one of my pet cats at my feet. That's what i find so heart breaking and why i feel trapped. I wish i had the courage to run away. Or say something but i don't instead i sit and let my pet cats remind me of why i can't just leave. If i did my parents would leave each other my brothers would no doubt ruin their lives and no one,absolutely no one will care about them. Its the one thing i do talk about my love for cats and my fierce need to protect them. I mean they cheer me up when I'm down i hold conversations with them and my personalities. And then just like mentioned i break down and i have a pity party. I mean i don't show this side of me often but sometimes i can't keep the cork on my emotions and a lot like champagne they explode and then look. This is what happens i break down sit on the step of my house and rant on some internet sight whilst petting a needy kitty. Not to mention that its 10 at night as i write this in a neighbor hood where gunshots are heard often. And where i once swear i saw a creature of sorts. I guess I'm just waiting for it to show up and make me fear for my life so that i can acknowledge that I'm fortunate. Its cold. I'm shaking. And not just because of the cold or the raw emotion thats coming from me at the moment but with... Some emotion that i can't seem to name. Either way i hope you guys aren't annoyed at my pity party rant. Hope one of my personalities uploads this. I know my time is u

Cats cats cats everywhere!!!!!
 These are all the old pictures that were on my old phone that I, me and the others never could bring ourselves to deleate... So here they are to remain forever with no deletion!!! 
 Anywho The cats are mostly gone new kits crawling around. 
I don't even remember all teir names.